I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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