It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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