Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
