I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
