she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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