i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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