White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
