i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
