btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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