I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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