I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
