Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
