There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
