just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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