he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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