I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
