heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
