I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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