Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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