When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize