Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize