I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
