Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
