I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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