I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
