the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
