my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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