if i can run in heels then i can drive
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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