Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
