roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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