We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
