If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
