I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
