During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
