whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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