my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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