You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
