I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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