I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
