Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
