I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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