She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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