Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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