is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
