remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
