Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I died a long time ago.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
