totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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