And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
