I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize