I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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