Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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