Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
