Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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