yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
