Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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