Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
