Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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