..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
