Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
