o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
