ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
