Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
