Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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