im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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