The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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